Poker Night
by Vermilion Angel
Summary: Some downtime fluff with CI5's finest. Gossip, innuendo and terrible jokes. Oh, and drinking. Lots of drinking.


Disclaimer: I don't own them, I don't make money. *sigh*

Thanks to Wuemsel for the beta, cheers buddy!

**Poker Night.**

On the second Saturday of each month, Benny held a poker night. Due to the nature of his work, it was only semi-regular, but it had become something of an institution. In his little Brixton flat he waited for his colleagues.

Murphy arrived first at eight, with beer, Bodie and Doyle arrived together, with more beer, and Jax arrived last with beer and snacks. They ordered a Chinese and sat around the small kitchen table.

Around eleven the remains of the take-away where scattered around the room, and the five men were still playing poker. Jax was winning by a hair, and nearly half the beer had been consumed.

"I hear Milo got himself a girlfriend," Murphy said.

"What?" Doyle replied. "Milo couldn't pull a bird to save his life."

"It's true, he does," Bodie said unexpectedly. Everyone stared at him. "She came in a box marked 'three working orifices'."

The agents laughed. They collected their hands and examined them, trying not to give too much away.

"So who's this girl then?" Jax asked.

"Come on, last time he said he was having an affair with that girl off of the telly," Bodie said. "The blonde piece off Corrie, was it?"

"Don't you have to already have a bird to have an affair?" Jax replied.

"His idea of an affair is looking at Miss July and thinking about Miss November," Benny added.

"Or using his left hand," Doyle said.

"I'm just telling you what I heard," Murphy said, taking a long drink of his beer. "He's been ordering her flowers through the switchboard."

"Maybe they're for his mum," Doyle replied.

"He orders cards that say 'Last night was great, I can't wait until tonight, baby.'"

"Maybe they're for his mum," Bodie said. An amused/disgusted groan ran around the table, and Bodie shrugged innocently. "I need more beer. More beer?"

Murphy held up his empty bottle, and Bodie took it, getting up from the table.

"The ones in the fridge should be cold now," Benny said.

Bodie returned with two beers and handed one to Murphy. "You know, the other night I swore off beer completely."

"Oh?" Murphy replied. Beside him, Doyle tutted, fully aware of what was coming.

"Yeah, decided I'd only do dairy, y'know?"

Murphy frowned, knowing that it had to be a wind up somehow but not quite seeing it, yet.

"Total disaster," Bodie continued. "No difference at all. Drank sixteen yoghurt[] and still ended up completely mullered."

Murphy groaned, "Bodie, that was dreadful."

Bodie smirked. "Bet you anything you like you're still going to use it tomorrow."

"Who's starting?" Benny asked, gesturing at the cards.

"You," Doyle said.

Benny nodded, sucking his teeth. He picked up some money and threw it into the middle. The game continued in earnest for a few minutes, until Bodie folded, followed by Murphy.

"I'm getting slaughtered tonight." Murphy sighed. "So much for my kid's inheritance."

"You got kids now, Murph?"

"My future kids, then."

"Tell 'em to win their own inheritance," Bodie said.

"They won't win anything, if they inherit my luck," Murphy replied.

"Make your own luck," Bodie said. He watched his partner frown at his cards. "Having a little trouble there, Raymondo?"

"I'm thinking," Doyle said.

"Don't strain yourself."

"Ha Ha." Doyle rolled his eyes. "Shut up for a sec, would you?"

"Sorry," Bodie whispered loudly.

"Hey, Bodie," Murphy said in the same loud whisper. "Who d' you think's going to win?"

"What?" Bodie replied.

"I said, 'who d' you think is going to win?'" Murphy repeated loudly.

Doyle glared at both. "Can you two be normal for just two seconds?"

Bodie and Murphy shrugged innocently at one another, then at Doyle.

"I'm still waiting," Doyle said dryly.

Murphy stuck out his tongue at Doyle and snickered. He slid down in his seat slightly to drink his beer.

Bodie was sitting between Benny and Jax. He leant over Benny's shoulder, then Jax's, then nodded knowingly at Murphy, who leant over Doyle's shoulder and returned the gesture.

"I think Jax is saving up for something," Bodie said, gesturing at the pile of money in front of his colleague.

"Mortgages don't pay themselves, mate." Jax sighed.

"No, we're paying it," Murphy said, gesturing at his own meagre pile.

Jax shrugged. "Rest assured it'll be shoes as soon as my missus gets her hands on it."

"Jesus, am I the only bloke in CI5 that's bloody single?" Benny groaned.

"You could ask Milo for some pointers," Murphy suggested.

"The day I ask Milo for help with women will be the day I shoot myself," Benny replied.

"Face it, Ben, he's one up on you at the moment," Bodie said.

"Oh yeah, thanks for that, mate, that makes me feel a lot better," Benny said dryly.

Jax got up for another beer. "I don't know if an imaginary girlfriend counts as 'one up'."

"I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt," Bodie said airily. He looked pointedly at his partner. "You're staying very quiet, Ray. Got anything to say?"

Doyle glared at him, subtly. "Not really."

"No? Not going to offer an opinion on being single?" Bodie said, grinning at him evilly. "Lonely, pathetically single?"

"Hey!" Benny protested. "Enough of that."

"Sorry." Bodie didn't look sorry. He was still smirking at his partner.

"Yeah, ok," Doyle said. "So I'm having a small… dry spell."

"And how long has this 'dry spell' lasted, Doyle?"

Doyle was glaring daggers at Bodie. "About four weeks."

"Four weeks?" Benny said bitterly. "Try a year."

Murphy stared at his friend. "A year?"

"Benny, Benny, Benny." Bodie shook his head. "Mate, I feel for you, I really do."

"Yeah. I bet you do," Benny replied sarcastically.

Jax sat back down with five beers and handed them out. "What's this?"

"Benny hasn't had any in a year," Murphy replied.

"Oh Benny." Jax tutted.

"Are we playing poker or not?"

"Apparently you're not. Well, not for a year or so anyway," Murphy said.

There was a chorus of 'ooh!' from the other three agents, and Benny dropped his head to the table.

"Harsh, Murph, harsh," Doyle said. "Poor guy's undercover most of the time."

"And under covers alone, too," Murphy said and lifted his beer. "Most of the time."

Jax shook his head. "Murph."

Murphy grinned.

"So What's your excuse?" Bodie asked his partner.

Doyle rolled his eyes. "I've been ill."

Benny straightened. "Ok lads, enough. Let's get back to the game, shall we?"

Bodie raised an eyebrow and decided not to speak. Doyle still chuckled guiltily.

The game continued in silence for a while, then Bodie started signing things to Murphy, who was struggling not to laugh. Eventually Doyle folded, and Jax and Benny showed their hands. Jax had won again.

"You know, I'm starting to get suspicious of you, mate," Benny said, pushing the money towards Jax.

"You calling me a cheater?" Jax replied, grinning angelically.

"Go on, hit him, Jax," Bodie whispered. "You know you want to."

"How do you like that?" Benny said. "You invite a bloke to your flat for a nice game of cards, and he starts inciting violent revolt."

"You're looking at the leader of the Tooting Bec Liberation Front," Murphy said, pointing at Bodie. "You should watch 'im."

"Bloody terrorists. I bet it was you ate all them cookies in the break room, too," Benny said.

"We're not terrorists, we're revolutionaries," Bodie replied with false indignation. "Let my people go and all that."

"And you 'liberated' the cookies, am I right?"

"We commandeered some of them as essential supplies, yes."

"I bloody knew it!"

"It wasn't just me!" Bodie protested. "I know a certain skinny bugger, who can cram a surprisingly large number of cookies in his enormous gob."

Doyle raised his eyebrows. "A likely story."

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Murphy asked. HE was starting to look more than a little tipsy.

"We're anarchists," Bodie replied with a shrug. "We don't have to explain ourselves to no cops."

Doyle snorted, taking a swig of beer. He pointed the bottle at his partner and opened him mouth to speak but frowned instead. He shrugged and took another drink.

Nearly all the beer had been consumed, and everyone was slightly drunk. The card game was all but forgotten.

"How do you explain the plan to Doyle, then?" Jax challenged.

"I don't have to, but I could if I wanted," Bodie said.

"Alright, how do we join?" Benny asked.

"Well." Bodie straightened up, attempting to look imperious. "You have to take the oath first."

"Ok, what's the oath?"

"It's the stuff they use to make porridge," Jax said, snickering.

"Oh Jax, that was awful," Doyle said. "Really, really awful."

Jax shrugged, grinning.

Benny banged his hand on the table. "Hey, hey, I'm trying to join a ... a ... revolutionary organisation here, guys, c'mon."

"And not for the first time," Murphy said. "Who was it? The Dover Independence League?"

"No, no." Benny shook his head. "It was the Dover Popular People's Army. Keeping the cliffs white or something. Wanted gunning placements all along the coast ..."

"Sounds like fun," Bodie said.

Benny banged his fist on the table again. "Come on, I want to join your group. What's the oath?"

"Yeah, alright, repeat after me," Bodie said, "I, Benny, do solemnly swear…"

"You tell me before I say it, mate," Benny said.

"Ooh, he's sharp, that Benny," Murphy observed.

"Ok, ok." Bodie took a deep breath and frowned at the table, thinking. "Alright, you're in."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, the oath was just a test of your gullibility."

Benny nodded approvingly. "If only it was always that easy."

"Oh, but Benny, then what would you have to do all day?" Murphy asked.

"I'd find a girlfriend," Benny replied, and the others collapsed into laughter. "Shh! Guys! My neighbours!"

"They can have their own party," Doyle said.

"Hey guys?" Jax said. "You hear something?"

"Yeah," Benny replied. "Sounds like ..."

"An R/T!" Murphy announced. "Benny, your R/T is beeping."

Benny frowned. "Why mine?"

"Because we don't have ours with us," Bodie replied.

Benny rose from the table, muttering, and dug his R/T out from under one of the cushions on the sofa. "8.4 receiving."

"Hullo, 8.4, this is Chris."

Benny frowned, then looked at the others. "Chris?"

"Yeah, I've been fiddling around with some of the equipment. I needed to test it out."

Doyle mouthed 'who's Chris?' at the others, and received only mystified shrugs.

"Uh, right. I thought the R/Ts were for emergency use only?"

"I needed to test the equipment," Chris replied. "Just tell me if you're receiving me, alright?"

The four other agents shook their heads, and Benny smirked. "No, negative. Can't hear a thing."

"Oh what? How about now? Is that better?"

"Nope, sorry, still can't hear anything. Hello? Hello?"

"Hello? Oh for Pete's sake... Hold on. Hello?"

Benny bit back a laugh.

"Ugh! Now I can't hear anything. Are you still there? 8.4? Hello?"

Benny switched off the R/T and shoved it back under the cushion.

"Who the hell was that?" Bodie said, as Benny sat back down.

"Chris, obviously. Chris Mc-testing-out-the-equipment-at-midnight, y'know, that Chris."

"I think Chris has been at the sauce," Murphy said, tapping the drink in front of him.

"Oh, hey! Chris ... isn't that guy they hired a few weeks ago, is it? The one who looks like a cocker spaniel?" Doyle said, looking around and seeing only blank looks. "Ginger bloke, always hanging around the armoury looking for things to fix."

"No, mate, you've lost us," Bodie said.

"How long have you been seeing these 'visions'?" Murphy asked.

Doyle rolled his eyes. "Funny."

"Say, Benny, why do you keep your R/T under there?" Jax asked.

"So I can't hear it, mostly," Benny replied.

"God, is it one already?" Bodie exclaimed suddenly.

Jax checked his watch, sighed, then stood uneasily. "I had no idea it was that late. Lads, it's been fun, but I have to get home."

"Aww, Jax, don't leave us!" Doyle replied. "We were about to break into Benny's drinks cabinet and set fire to his kitchen."

"No, Jax 's right, it's late," Murphy said. "I should go, too."

"S'alright Murph, we can see the thumb print," Bodie said, smirking.

"You're just jealous, because you have to go home to your cold, lonely, empty, lonely bed," Murphy said with a smug grin. "So… nya nya nya."

"Classy, Murph," Bodie said.

"I'm just a classy guy," Murphy replied, standing up and almost immediately toppling back over his chair. Doyle caught him under the arm and helped him upright.

"Okaay, someone's had too much to drink," Doyle said.

Murphy pulled his arm free and steadied himself. "I'm ok. Just stepped back a little too far."

"You know, if we really did get called in now..." Benny snickered, and in a terrible Scottish accent said, "Och lads! You're supposed to be ready for action."

"I'm ready for action!" Jax declared, making an attempt at a dance. The other four collapsed into laughter.

"Shh, shh, you shouldn't mention action around Benny. He doesn't remember what it's like," Bodie said, earning a smack on the arm.

"Ow!" Bodie looked indignantly at Benny. "I was trying to spare your feelings."

"Like hell," Benny replied lightly. "Come on, guys, clear off, it's almost one."

"Yeah, yeah." Bodie pushed himself up and gathered his winnings. "I don't want to stay, if I'm going to get beaten up."

"You were the one encouraging Jax to hit me earlier," Benny replied, standing up so he could see his friends to the door. "Reap what you sow, sunshine."

"Like I would listen to Bodie," Jax said. "Last time I did that, I ended up in the Thames."

"I ended up hanging off a chimney," Murphy said. "And another time I nearly got run over by a train."

"Oh god, I remember that," Jax said, snickering. "And there was that time Charlie got caught in that fence, and they had to get the fire brigade to cut him free."

"That wasn't my fault," Bodie protested. "What is this, anyway? Let's have a go at Bodie?"

"Face it, mate, some of your ideas…" Jax said.

"They pay off, though, don't they?" Bodie said. "Ray, you're going to back me up, right?"

Doyle shrugged noncommittally.

"Oh, charming," Bodie said. "Thanks a bunch, mate."

Jax slung his arm around Bodie's shoulders. "Look, we know you can't help it if you've had too many blows to the head…"

Bodie shot his colleague a withering look and shrugged off the arm.

Benny clapped his hands together. "Come on, guys, get this show on the road."

"Pushy little bugger, you are," Murphy said. "Alright, we know when we're not wanted."

"Apparently not," Benny replied, herding his guests towards the door. "Actually, guys, anyone want to go out tomorrow night? I'm on paperwork tomorrow, so I was thinking of going out for a change."

"Tomorrow tomorrow or today tomorrow?" Bodie said, gesturing towards the clock.

"Tomorrow tomorrow," Benny said.

"Ok," Bodie said. "I'm up for it."

"Yeah, count me in, Benny," Doyle said.

"Not me," Murphy said. "Need to spend some time with my missus."

"Me an' all," Jax said.

"You spending time with Murphy's missus?" Doyle asked.

Jax began to frown, and then winked at Doyle. "Well, someone's got to take care of her."

"Hey, I'm standing right here," Murphy said.

"Ok, seriously, everyone out," Benny said, yawning.

"What time tomorrow then?" Doyle asked, as he was ushered out the door.

"Seven in the White Lion," Benny replied. "Now get out."

Doyle saluted. "Night, Benny. Thanks for the game."

"Yeah, cheers, Benny," Bodie said.

"Night, mate," Murphy said, heading towards the stairs and almost taking a header down them. The four others let out a collective gasp of horror, but Murphy was able to catch himself on the handrail.

"Christ, Murph! Careful!" Jax exclaimed, grabbing Murphy's arm and dragging him back from the stairs.

"Make sure he doesn't kill himself, at least until he's out of my building," Benny sighed.

"Will do. Night, Benny," Jax said.

Murphy shrugged him off indignantly and headed down the stairs, followed by the others.

Benny closed the door, then turned back to his flat. He sighed contentedly, kicked an empty carton across the room, and then went to bed.

***

Bodie had started singing 'The Lovecats', badly, then Murphy had joined in.

Doyle and Jax wisely distanced themselves, as they walked down the street.

"Do they even know the words?" Jax asked.

"They're singing something different now, I think," Doyle said, listening. "Although for the life of me I can't tell what."

"You'd hardly peg Bodie for the musical type."

"Eh, he's funny when he's drinking."

"Funny in the head, maybe," Jax replied, watching the two in front with amusement.

Up ahead, Murphy and Bodie had got into a playful shoving match, then Bodie ran back to Doyle and almost crashed into him, then hid behind him until Murphy caught up, then ran off again, almost dragging Doyle over.

Doyle shouted after them, then gave chase, slightly behind Murphy.

Jax rolled his eyes.

"Bunch of kids." He sighed, just as Doyle tackled his partner to the floor. There was a brief scuffle, then both stood up, laughing.

"It's all fun and games until someone has an eye out," Jax said as he caught up.

"I try to damage Ray as much as possible, when I've been drinking, so I have an excuse."

"It's true," Doyle said as solemnly as he could. "Bloody abusive little sod. Good job I can wipe the floor with him, or I might have been hurt by now."

"Psh! You couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag," Bodie said.

"Oh really?" Doyle replied. "I'm half cut and I could still beat you into a bloody mess."

"You and what army?"

Jax edged around them and nudged Murphy. "We should get out of here, before they really kick off."

"I think you're right," Murphy said, backing away from the partners as they argued.

"See you, lads," Jax said, but they weren't heard.

Bodie and Doyle were left bickering in the street, until finally Doyle noticed the other two had gone. He held up his hand to stop the argument.

"Jax and Murphy have buggered off."

"Oh." Bodie yawned. "Probably wanted to get away from the fight."

"Fight?"

"Yeah, y'know, fisticuffs in the street," Bodie replied.

"Why would we fight?"

Bodie slung his arm across Doyle's shoulders. "It's because you're so violent, mate. All that aggression has to be bad for you. Cut down on the red meat, I'd say."

"Oh, well, I guess that explains it." Doyle rested his hand on his partner's shoulder and they started walking.

"It's probably why you can't get women," Bodie reasoned.

"Getting women isn't the problem, it's finding time to see them," Doyle replied.

"Just sneak out early, no-one will miss you."

"Oh, thanks, mate," Doyle said sarcastically. "Nice to know I'm appreciated."

"I find the time for girls," Bodie said. "And we work exactly the same hours."

"Yeah, but you sleep at work. Someone's got to pick up the slack."

"Nothing slack about me, mate," Bodie said, smirking.

"I knew, _I knew_, you were going to say that."

"Maybe that's why you don't get women."

"Eh?"

"Spend too much time with me."

Doyle snickered. "Probably. Bad influence."

Bodie nodded gravely. "Probably think you're queer or something." He let go of his partner, making a show of pushing him away, and stumbled slightly off the kerb.

"Careful," Doyle said. "Could get hit by a car."

Bodie paused in the middle of the road, looking up and down the near-silent street. "Oh?"

Doyle shrugged. "Could do, if one came down here really, really fast."

"Yeah, I could also be killed by a satellite falling from orbit, ever think of that?"

Doyle frowned, then looked up. "Can't even see any stars."

Bodie stepped onto the pavement beside him and followed his gaze to the heavens. "You know something?"

"Yeah?"

"You'd love Africa. Well, maybe not some of the worst parts, but I'll tell you something, one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. You could really see stars out there."

"Would you go back?"

"I'm not sure that'd be a good idea."

"If you could, would you, though?"

Bodie shook his head and shrugged. "I dunno. No. Probably not."

Doyle looked at him. "If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"

"New Zealand," Bodie answered without hesitation.

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Why?"

Bodie shrugged again. "I dunno, just always fancied it, I guess. They don't have problems like we've got problems. I've been all over the world, all over, all the places with problems. I'm half sick of problems." He sighed. "Been to 'em all, Falklands, Angola, Congo, South Africa, Serbia, Afganistan, Argentina, Spain..." He trailed off. "All problems."

"Huh." Doyle started walking again, and Bodie fell into step beside him. "I went on a school trip to France once."

"How was it?"

"Alright," Doyle replied.

"Just alright?"

"Well, it was school, wasn't it? I was too busy trying to get a look up Angie Dawson's skirt to bother with anything else."

"You're all class, Ray."

"Went again with a girl in collage. She had a holiday home out there."

"And?"

"We didn't get out much."

Bodie snorted. "And they call me lib... libidinous!"

"You what? Where did you drag that one up from?"

Bodie shrugged. "I'm an academic, me."

"Academic my arse."

"So have you never thought about going anywhere else?" Bodie said, steering the conversation back on course.

"Sure, plenty of times."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And anything."

"I don't know, Canada maybe, or New York. Got a cousin over there, who keeps inviting me over."

"Why don't you go?"

Doyle shrugged. "Just one of those things. Never seem to have the time or the money."

"You should ask for some holiday and go."

"Just like that, huh?"

"Sure, why not?" Bodie replied. "If you're that stuck, I'll lend you some money 'till you get back."

"You trying to get rid of me?"

"Yes."

"I bloody knew it. You're just trying to get me out of the way, so Katie will go out with you."

"You're hardly presenting much of an obstacle, Raymond. I don't think she even remembers who you are."

"Ugh, don't remind me." Doyle sighed. "Maybe I should go on holiday."

"Charm some of those American girls with your funny English accent."

"You've been to Canada, haven't you?"

"Yeah, though not so much the actual civilised parts."

"What did you do out there?"

"Uh, cut holes in ice lakes and jump in."

Doyle looked at him sceptically, then realised he wasn't joking. "Get out, why?"

Bodie shrugged. "Trust me, I was asking myself the same question."

"Seriously, why?"

"In case I fell in an icy lake," Bodie replied. "I'll tell you, mate, it was so cold it felt like I was being burned alive, if that makes sense."

"It's times like this I wonder why you aren't dead," Doyle said. "Or at least 99% scar tissue."

"Sheer bloody-mindedness."

"Now that I don't doubt."

"How much did you win tonight?"

"Not much. Just about broke even."

Bodie yawned, cracking his jaw. "Do you think I can crash at your place? I can't be arsed to get the tube."

"I thought you were driving tomorrow?"

"Yeah..." Bodie sighed. They were approaching a corner. "Ok, I have to leave you here then, sunshine."

"Night, Bodie."

"Night." Bodie patted Doyle on the shoulder and walked off towards the main road to the right. Doyle paused, then called after his partner.

"Bodie?"

Bodie stopped and turned. "Yeah?"

"We're not working tomorrow, it's Sunday."

Bodie frowned and walked back. "Oh."

Doyle nodded in the direction of his flat, and they both set off together.


End file.
